Did I Just Genuflect? Learning to Navigate Catholic Spaces in Early Career Research

Two weeks into the first research trip of my PhD, after phoning, sending countless emails, a handwritten letter and an Instagram DM to a dormant convent-bakery account, I found myself attending mass at the church of the Trinidad Monastery in Valencia. My research investigating the depiction of Christian womanhood in fifteenth-century Valencia had thus far taken me to state archives and public museums whose formalised procedures allowed me unimpeded access to the sources I required. When faced with the challenge of situating that research within the original spatial context of a still-active enclosed monastery, however, I instinctively genuflected before taking my seat for the service. A residual gesture from a Catholic upbringing, it nonetheless embodied a display of deference that raised new questions about identity and entitlement in religious spaces.

This paper reflects on this encounter, and in particular, how my reflexive desire to conform intersected with the critical questions I grapple with regarding institutional power and gender. Was my success in gaining access to the space contingent on my ability to draw on a heritage that entitled me to belong there? Might it be denied to someone less able, or willing, to blend in? Is one entitled to conduct research in places of active worship, particularly when that research is critical of the institution itself? And how might such negotiations, or refusals of access, shape the knowledge we are able to produce? I suggest that open discussion of these encounters is crucial for fostering a more open research environment.